two guitars, a keyboard, and a good father

Sometimes I worry when I write (more often when I don't write), that I've lost it.  I'm going to sit down at the Mac and have nothing to say.  And that does happen sometimes.  The cursor sits blinking at me and I have to walk away.  But it's never completely gone, eventually there is always something to write.

Tim gently reminds me that God is not a bad father.  He's not always looking for a chance to steal a gift away from you.  A gift that He gave you.  Father's give gifts to their children, and they expect them to use them, not worry about losing them.

My Mom and Dad gave my brother, sister and I two guitars and keyboard for Christmas one year.  We were taking piano lessons at the time and my parents signed us up for guitar lessons with Charlie Daniels (no, not the Charlie Daniels, the other one who sold instruments in Fresno, California).

My Dad encouraged us to practice the guitar as much as possible, we even brought the guitars in the van and practiced on the way to a track meet.  I think he hoped we would start our own rock band eventually, but we were all a little too shy for that.

In the end, I didn't practice that much.  My brother is the only one of us who can play the guitar, and I took a shortcut and married a guy who could.

This reminds me of how God gives us gifts.  My parents chose to give us those instruments, and encouraged us to "use" the gifts.  The only reason I can't play guitar is because I didn't want it bad enough for myself (and the strings hurt my fingers).  My parents didn't take the gifts away from us, they gave them to us freely and enjoyed seeing us use them.

God gifted you uniquely and it pleases Him to see you use the gifts and talents He has given you.

I think we worry a lot about what God's purpose is for our life and worry what gifts we should pursue.  We lie awake for hours wondering if we should have been an artist, engineer, camp director, missionary, or veterinarian and don't do the simple things.

Love God and love people.  After that, play your guitar, crunch numbers, go fishing, work your job, write your stories, raise your children, and live the life God has given you.

Someday God may take the gift away for a time.  Or you may grow old and not be able to move with as much ease as before.  But that doesn't mean He doesn't have something else for you, something even better.

What makes you feel close to God?  I would imagine it is when you are communicating with Him, just like any good relationship.  For me, it is when I write to Him and for Him.  I encourage you to seek out those places.  Maybe it is when you sing, maybe it is when you are outside, maybe it's when you care for His children.

Revel in the gifts He has given you and thank Him while you work and play.  He's a good Father, you bring Him joy when you live the life He has designed for you.

"Do not be deceived, my beloved brothers.  Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.  Of His own will He brought us forth by the word of truth, that we should be a kind of firstfruits of His creatures."  James 1:16-18

His hand upon my head.

I love rubbing a baby's head. On infants, their soft new skin with feathery hair. On toddlers ruffling their hair as they run around in the yard. Whenever I see my little brother or nephews I touch their heads. I don't know if they appreciate this ritual the way I do, but I like to think they don't mind too much yet.

I was thinking about this the other day and it reminded me of one my favorite verses from Psalm 139, "You hem me in, behind and before, and lay Your hand upon me."

This verse brought me to tears in high school. When my mom read this verse to me I realized that God really did love me, that His hand was upon me. I imagined His hand upon my head, me His beloved child.

Something about the love that is imparted through a simple placement of a hand really ran that truth home for me. Just like my hand rests briefly upon the head of my brother, my nephews, so too God's hand is upon me in a much more powerful and more loving way.

God's hand is upon you too. You may not feel it, you may doubt that He is there, but He loves you with a love deeper than you have ever known or will ever know. He knows your thoughts, your dreams, your suffering. He knows your heart. May you rest in the knowledge of His love, and feel its truth in your life.

heaven's worship

"No longer will there be anything accursed, but the throne of God and of the Lamb will be in it, and His servants will worship Him. They will see His face, and His name will be on their foreheads. And night will be no more. They will need no light of lamp or sun, for the Lord God will be their light, and they will reign forever and ever." Revelation 22:3-5

I can't say I always get excited for worshipping God in heaven. As a kid I used to think, "Singing to God forever and ever? I love Him, I know, but I can hardly make it through Sunday morning worship, and that is only 6 0r 7 songs!" How will I worship God forever and ever?

Reading the above verses gives me hope... Revelation is incredibly beautiful, and there are verses that resonate deeply within me.... "They will see His face." I know that I long to see the face of my sweet Savior, and I'm sure that seeing it in glory will give me something to sing about for a few thousand years at least.

Also, I don't know that my childhood vision of singing forever and ever will be perfectly realized. There will be the wedding feast, and I'm sure we will do all kinds of wonderful things in heaven, just like we do on earth, just perfectly, and each thing we do will be worship because it is heaven. Maybe we will paint, travel, run, write, and more. You never know.

On Sunday, I felt like I got a taste of the coming glory in heaven. Tim and I were blessed with the opportunity to lead worship. We gave our regular worship team (who is amazing by the way!) a break and sang several songs and played guitar and mandolin.

I can't say I was siked for this on Sunday morning.... I was absolutely terrified. My stomach hurt and I was ready to panic. I couldn't do this, I'd never done this. Sure, Tim and I have played music before, but never worship. This was important!

We prayed about it before the service started and gave it to God. It was all for Him anyway, it was wrong of me to worry and worry about messing up. So we sang and played for Him with the congregation.

I have never been in front of church to hear the congregation singing like that... and it was so beautiful. And one point during "Blessed Be Your Name" it was like the heavens opened and I got a ethereal taste of what it will be like when we are all singing to our Beloved.

I'm not afraid to worship God forever anymore, I think it is going to be the most wonderful, most fulfilling and amazing thing we will ever experience.... and it will go on forever and ever. How beautiful is that?

Maybe you don't think so... maybe worship still seems.... difficult. That's ok, I've been there and I'm still working through this process. I don't always worship very well when I do things I don't like to do. Worship seems more inviting somedays than others. I think that is why it has to become the theme of our whole lives. Worship when we rise, worship when we speak, worship when we do the dishes, worship when we create, worship when we care for our families, worship when we sing, worship when we rest.... and on and on.

This life was meant for something else. It was meant for Christ. What would it look like if we were all worshipping all the time through every task and chore. I'd say it might look like heaven... what do you think?

an act of love

On the way to work the last few days I have been listening to worship music. Work has been difficult of late, and it has been one of several efforts to get my mind at peace before entering the glass doors of the center.

I have also been reading the Psalms, each one a perfect piece of worship.

It seems so easy sometimes. Worship. When other people do it.

I have never been much of a hand raiser or dancer. Only on a very rare occasion. And I worry at times that a worshipful awe is not often the attitude of my heart.

I don't think worship can be practiced without an understanding of love. And I have hope, for I'm beginning to know love.

It is so easy to worship an idol, especially one that you love dearly, and one that loves you in return. My husband has been my most beloved idol, and it is easy to "worship" his existence and cling on his every word. I know that he loves me, and I love him. It isn't hard to think about him, dream about him, talk about him, and spend all my time with him.

Tim doesn't have to love me. But he loves me unconditionally. It really blows my mind sometimes that he loves me after discovering my crazy side, my weird side, and my dark side. I mean, it's easy to like someone on a date, but after you know everything... it's a little more difficult.

And God knows all of those things.... and more. And He loves and He loves. To the point of death.

The depth of that love is unfathomable, I cannot reach the bottom. Maybe, just maybe, going deeper into that love will bring me to a place of true worship? Maybe understanding His love for me will bring me to my knees in love, honor, joy, and gratitude?

It also helps me to think about how wonderful God is. When I think about my husband Tim, I love to think about the things that make him wonderful. His love, his faithfulness, his kindness, his sense of humor, his graciousness, his wisdom.... and on and on.

Making a list about Tim makes me think of all those words we toss around in worship songs for our Bridegroom in heaven.... gracious, loving, holy, mighty, faithful, just, beautiful, and the list goes on forever. Reflecting on the wonderful things about the Lover of my soul helps me love Him in return.

"How deep the Father's love for us,

How vast beyond all measure.

That He should give His only Son,

To make a wretch His treasure."

-Stuart Townend

Little by little, God is helping me understand His love.... and that is bringing me back to worship. Knowing His love for me, and reflecting on His attributes brings my heart to its knees in wonder.... a place that I wish it was at more often than I can admit to.

What is keeping you from worship? Busyness? Other idols? Doubt? Apathy? I've been there, and I'm still there, too often. Start seeking personal worship time. It's too easy to think Sunday morning worship will be good enough. It can't be. Worship is for everyday. It's a heart issue. It's an act of love.

Seek the Lord with me, He's waiting for us.

lovely mondays part two

So, last week I made up a list of things that made me happy to brighten the monday morning blues. This week I made another list, struggling to not repeat all of last week's list.... those things were very lovely, you know.

Here is this Monday's list:

• roses
• watercolor paper
• our goldfish "Mr. & Mrs. Ophish"
• trying a new recipe
• candles
• clean socks
• a new poem
• and, my dear husband

I was very excited today that I had a little time to work on a new poem. Something I pondered in the process was how giving my Father in heaven is. Especially in regards to creative endeavors. Every good thing comes from Him. Including creativity. I didn't used to believe it when people said "I want to give all the glory to God....", because well, they picked up the pen right? That was before I experienced creative writer's block. God gives all things. And I love Him, whether or not I live to write another day. Or whether I live another day without writing. God gives every gift, including creative ability.

God makes such lovely Mondays doesn't He?