Sometimes I worry when I write (more often when I don't write), that I've lost it. I'm going to sit down at the Mac and have nothing to say. And that does happen sometimes. The cursor sits blinking at me and I have to walk away. But it's never completely gone, eventually there is always something to write.
Tim gently reminds me that God is not a bad father. He's not always looking for a chance to steal a gift away from you. A gift that He gave you. Father's give gifts to their children, and they expect them to use them, not worry about losing them.
My Mom and Dad gave my brother, sister and I two guitars and keyboard for Christmas one year. We were taking piano lessons at the time and my parents signed us up for guitar lessons with Charlie Daniels (no, not the Charlie Daniels, the other one who sold instruments in Fresno, California).
My Dad encouraged us to practice the guitar as much as possible, we even brought the guitars in the van and practiced on the way to a track meet. I think he hoped we would start our own rock band eventually, but we were all a little too shy for that.
In the end, I didn't practice that much. My brother is the only one of us who can play the guitar, and I took a shortcut and married a guy who could.
This reminds me of how God gives us gifts. My parents chose to give us those instruments, and encouraged us to "use" the gifts. The only reason I can't play guitar is because I didn't want it bad enough for myself (and the strings hurt my fingers). My parents didn't take the gifts away from us, they gave them to us freely and enjoyed seeing us use them.
God gifted you uniquely and it pleases Him to see you use the gifts and talents He has given you.
I think we worry a lot about what God's purpose is for our life and worry what gifts we should pursue. We lie awake for hours wondering if we should have been an artist, engineer, camp director, missionary, or veterinarian and don't do the simple things.
Love God and love people. After that, play your guitar, crunch numbers, go fishing, work your job, write your stories, raise your children, and live the life God has given you.
Someday God may take the gift away for a time. Or you may grow old and not be able to move with as much ease as before. But that doesn't mean He doesn't have something else for you, something even better.
What makes you feel close to God? I would imagine it is when you are communicating with Him, just like any good relationship. For me, it is when I write to Him and for Him. I encourage you to seek out those places. Maybe it is when you sing, maybe it is when you are outside, maybe it's when you care for His children.
Revel in the gifts He has given you and thank Him while you work and play. He's a good Father, you bring Him joy when you live the life He has designed for you.
"Do not be deceived, my beloved brothers. Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. Of His own will He brought us forth by the word of truth, that we should be a kind of firstfruits of His creatures." James 1:16-18
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