don't worry about tomorrow

Life is often a mess of worry and stress.  I started a new job a couple months ago.  I'm still working with adults with disabilities.  Same building, new programs, different non-profit, schedule change.  Now I work after-school programs and a Saturday program.

I underestimated the amount of stress I would feel with all the changes and the added responsibility of being a supervisor.  I find each week my stress level goes higher and higher until it reaches its peak on Friday evening as I feel unprepared for my biggest program on Saturday, and it slowly comes back to normal by Saturday evening.

I allow too many worries to flood my mind... worried that my class plans stink, that the staff think I'm ill-suited for the position and disorganized, that there is going to be a behavior I can't handle, that a parent is upset with me for a phone conversation that was confusing, and so on.

Despite all this anxiety, every Saturday night, even when the week had some hiccups I look back and say, "I didn't need to worry that much."  The stress that I allowed didn't make me more productive, more secure, more confident, more anything but unhappy and sick to my stomach.

On Wednesday evening last week I randomly decided to read from Matthew 6 before I went to bed.  I usually choose something from the Psalms but felt lead to the gospel.  I read the section about the birds and the lilies... and came to the final verse.

"Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself.  Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."  Matthew 6:34

As I read that passage and felt its comforting truth seep into my soul I realized that what I deemed a random choosing of a passage was a divine moment from the Father.  There were the words of Jesus, speaking into my life what I needed at that very moment.

It is so easy to be anxious and worry.  I think I mistake it at times for planning ahead, but there is a difference.  Planning ahead shouldn't make me feel sick in the morning and weepy at night.  Anxiety is an absence of trust, and I felt convicted.  I hadn't been trusting that God was going to take care of me.  I didn't trust that He could take care of me when I inevitably made mistakes and didn't handle things the right way.  When I didn't have things planned perfectly or when I just plain failed.

Thursday morning I re-read the passage in Matthew 6.  I felt so much better, and drove to work without worry.   As the day rolled on I was amazed to see how many things I was able to accomplish, but more than that my heart was at peace and free from anxiety.

"You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You." Isaiah 26:3

I write this with an understanding that I am terrible at it.  Even as last week improved there were times on Friday and Saturday that I was tempted to revert to my old, well-worn habits.  It is almost humorous that it is so tempting to make ourselves feel so sick with worry about things we can or can't control.

An inner focus can only lead to sadness, anxiety, depression, doubt, and other unpleasant and downright awful consequences.  I've experienced these things and I don't want to continue the cycle.

I pray that the following verse would be a reality for me everyday, no matter how great or small the obstacles may be.

"Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and will not be afraid; for the Lord God is my strength and my song, and He has become my salvation."  Isaiah 12:2

strength when i'm weary

Are you tired? I sure am. I feel tired everyday. The sun is helping me out a little recently, in that I wake up at 5:55am thinking I slept through the alarm because it is gloriously bright outside. Hurrah for summer.

It seems as though I never catch up, always wishing for strength or just more sleep.

Are sleep and food the only sources of energy available to us? What is the answer when we have enough of both but still feel weary?

In the passage I posted yesterday it says "Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted." That's a bummer. Even the young, those in peak physical condition will reach the end of their physical ropes.

But Isaiah doesn't leave us there. "But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength." The Lord is the source of energy, when you have served to exhaustion, worked to the bone, and cried your last tear.

"They shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint."

Yesterday this passage really encouraged me. When I went to work yesterday I was ready to slide-tackle the week. I had fresh ideas and encouragement from the weekend and I was ready to go. I came home exhausted and beat. And it was only Monday night. Faint and weary.

Reading this passage showed me how normal it was to be tired (even the youths) and how necessary it is for me to rely on the Lord's strength everyday. He is never tired, never weary. No amount of sleep, alone time, or anything else could truly help me face another day other than Him.

He gives power to the faint. I'm not okay with being faint. When I played soccer, I pushed through muscle pain and heaving lungs to get into the best shape I could. I hated weakness. I lifted and sprinted my way to strength of mind and body. And I don't like asking for help, I'd rather do everything myself than admit I can't do it.

Even though this works out for me sometimes, it always leads to my exhaustion and ultimately failure. I can't rely on my own strength. I must rely on His, the God who made me, the Lord who is strong and mighty, the One who is greater than anything I'll ever face.

Maybe my weariness is a chance for Him to be strong in my life. "But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9

I'm feeling tired Lord, please help me rely on You for mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual strength each day. Please be strong in my life that You may be glorified. I love You.

to the faint and weary

"Have you not known? Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
The Creator of the ends of the earth.
He does not faint or grow weary;
His understanding is unsearchable.
He gives power to the faint,
And to him who has not might He increases strength.
Even youths shall faint and be weary,
And young men shall fall exhausted;
But they who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up on wings like eagles;
They shall run and not be weary;
They shall walk and not faint."

Isaiah 40:28-31

strength in weakness

I hate failure. And failure is where I am. I perceive failure in every movement of my being.

Friendships. Fail.

Work. Fail.

Art & Writing. Fail.

Housekeeping. Epic fail.

I was beating myself up today over all of the things I just can't seem to get right. Why do I still struggle? Why am I still so weak? Why am I a failure?

I sat and cried and pondered the things I haven't accomplished. The things I have messed up. The people I have offended. The unused potential. The distance between me and my God.

"But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

These verses breathe new life into me. Christ's power is made perfect in my weakness. It shouldn't come as any surprise to me that I fail, that I'm weak, that I can't do it on my own. In fact, there is grace in the recognition of weakness, for then in Christ I am strong.

When I am weak at work, at home, at church, in relationships... it is in those moments that Christ can be magnified as He proves Himself strong though I am weak, though I fail.

I don't need to pity myself for my weakness, and cry over my failings. I must turn my eyes upon Jesus, and rely on Him for His strength and grace in my darkness.

And in the darkness, when I have no words, the Spirit intercedes.

"Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings to deep for words." Romans 8:26

How wonderful is it that we have a Savior who is greater than all our sin? A Savior who is strong in our weakness? A Spirit that intercedes for us? A Father who loves us?

"For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need." Hebrews 4:15-16

Jesus walked on this earth and experienced life as a human being. He knows our weakness through experience, but He overcame them. He will give us grace and mercy in our time of need. How wonderful, how divine is the love of Christ for us?

This day was not easy for me, but it has brought me closer to the One who knows me by name and is strong in my weakness. May you find mercy, grace, hope, love, and strength in your Savior.