Sunday, December 26, 2010

snowy day

What an incredibly beautiful Christmas we had! I'm glad I have a little brother who helped me enjoy the snow on Christmas Eve by throwing snowballs with Tim and I at a tree. If I was eight again, forts upon forts would have been made and stocked for snowball fights that never came.

The above photo was taken with my Diana F+. I got an Instant Back for Christmas and can now take polaroid shots with it. Looks like the photo was taken in the 60's... I love it.

God with us...

I wept during our Christmas Eve service on Friday.

I had been worrying all month about missing Jesus. At the beginning of this week my husband wisely told me I should just focus on growing closer to Him, whether I truly understood Christmas or not this year. So I spent time in prayer and study, and just focused on being with Jesus.

Then God gave me a gift on Christmas Eve. We took communion, and as I sat with the bread and grape juice... I pondered the body and the blood. The body and blood of Jesus, the baby, the man, the Messiah. Joy and sorrow together washed over my soul. I know that I can't express this completely, but Jesus was there.

And Jesus is always here. He is Emmanuel, God with us. And I get to be with Him everyday, all year, all my life, for eternity.


Monday, December 6, 2010

out of my hands

I realized this weekend that I really don't like "feeling out of control."

I don't like worrying about money. I don't like having piles of laundry and a messy apartment. I don't like having spoiled food in the fridge. I don't like facing my social anxiety and cell phone. I don't like worrying about what other people think about me, who I am, and the job that I'm doing.

I realize I trust God really well when I've got things under control. Wait a second, that's not trust at all. Trust in myself maybe, but certainly not trust in God.

I don't want to come to Him messy. I don't want Him to have to fix me. I just want to do it myself. But I can't anymore. I'm too tired.

I don't want to freak out any more because things are out of my hands. I want to trust God recklessly. No more weak-hearted trust with doubt on the side. God's got this one, and all the other ones that came before it.

Lord, please help me trust You when bills are due, when the kitchen is a mess, when the phone rings, and the goat cheese is moldy. It's in Your hands, let me never forget that.

"Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth? Tell Me, if you have understanding. Who determined its measurements-- surely you know! Or who stretched the line upon it? On what were its bases sunk, or who laid its cornerstone, when the morning stars sang together and all the sons of God shouted for joy?" Job 38: 4-7

"My Father, who has given them to Me, is greater than all, and no one is able to snatch them out of My Father's hand." John 10:29

These passages tell me very clearly that the Lord, Yahweh, who created the foundations of the world, should have control over my life. It's in His hands, forever and ever. Amen.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

orchard house

On our trip to Boston we went to Orchard House, the home of Louisa May Alcott. Louisa wrote Little Women, one of my favorite books as a young girl.

It was so amazing to see where she lived and hear stories from the guide about her life. My favorite part of the tour was seeing her desk by the window where she wrote her books. Very inspiring.

It's a great experience to see the home of someone you look up to, it makes them more real, and more normal. It cuts away at their idol status when you see that their life is not always too different from your own. They just ran with their ideas and dreams, something that is not always easy to do.

This side trip was definitely encouraging to me as I've been dreaming about stories again (and hoping to write that novel one day). I just need to sit down and write, write, write.

Seeing Orchard House the day after Thanksgiving reminded me that is time to break out my Little Women dvd. I don't know what it is about that film, but I absolutely love watching it at Christmas time.

I am very grateful to my husband Tim and brother Isaac for making it possible for me to see Louisa's house. My brother kindly drove us there and waited for us while we took the tour (he had already been on it), and Tim made sure I got to see and hear everything about Louisa (even though he hasn't read the book yet:-)

If you are ever in Concord, and you love Little Women, go see Orchard House. It's well worth the trip.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

christmas is coming!

Tree is up. First snowfall. Lights are glowing. Christmas music. Chocolate. Hats, scarves, boots, and mittens. Friends. Family.

Jesus. Still trying to rethink, realize, understand, feel what it means that He came to earth as a baby 2000 years ago. Grace and Love in a manger, no crib for a bed. I love Thee, Lord Jesus. Be near me this day.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

boston road trip playlist

I had big plans to blog on the road while we were on our road trip over Thanksgiving. But, life is not a slave to the blog (thankfully), and I didn't have the time. It was a very fun trip and we had a great time being with my family.

There are two things that I still want to post, despite their untimely fashion. The first one is our playlist... Tim and I must have listened to it 20 times or so on the trip. I'm not exaggerating. It was that good, at least we liked it anyway (a lot).

The 11 songs on this playlist we bought the night before we left, here they are:

1. The Water- Johnny Flynn with Laura Marling
2. Maps- Yeah Yeah Yeahs
3. In These Arms- Swell Season
4. Home- Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros
5. Solitary Gun- Rogue Wave
6. The Suburbs- Arcade Fire
7. Little Lion Face- Seabear
8. My Shepherd- Neko Case
9. Lisztomania- Phoenix
10. High Horses- Swell Season
11. Until the Twilight- Franklin for Short

So that's it. We especially love "The Water." I don't know why we are not tired of that song yet, but it sure is great.

What songs (or albums) do you like to listen to on a road trip?