Monday, January 31, 2011

i will be thankful

Today was one of the those days. The kind of day that makes me hit the snooze no less the 5 times, groan and pull up the sheets, and sigh as Tim tells me we really do need to get up now. The kind of day that makes me wish this crazy Chicago blizzard was already here.

Because I felt so morose this morning, I decided it was about time to reflect on the things I'm thankful for. I will be thankful for this day.

Today I'm thankful for:

1. My husband, who makes me smile even when I'm most determinedly sour. I love you.

2. My striped long sleeve shirt, sweatshirt, down vest, and blue jacket who together have done an excellent job keeping me warm.

3. A certain participant at work who loves chocolate and laughed with me at lunch.

4. The Gospel of Matthew, who joined Tim and I over our breakfast this morning.

5. Journals and pens, particularly a Micron 08 and a new double tipped calligraphy pen... it's just more fun to write with your favorite pens.

6. Sunlight, increasing every day. "When he shakes his mane, we shall have Spring again." The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe

7. Books of poetry, most recently, my copy of T.S. Eliot poems.

8. A dinner date with Tim. Best husband ever.

9. Family. Even when I don't see you all for a few weeks or a few months, I think about you guys all the time. You are loved.

10. Jesus. Lately, I have been enjoying our time together so much. Thank You for Your love and grace. Thank You for Your patience and forgiveness. May Your name be praised forevermore.

Today was a pretty good day after all. What are you thankful for today? I'd love to hear about it. Happy Monday!

Thursday, January 27, 2011

i can't wait

I was looking at pictures from our honeymoon, and longing for summer! I can't wait to wear a sundress and walk around, feet bare and warm. I can't wait to drive to the beach after work and walk next to the lake with Tim... the wind tousling our hair, but not chilling the bone. I can't wait to sink my teeth into a slice of scarlet watermelon. I can't wait to get an iced tea at the coffee shop and walk through our neighborhood in flip-flops. I can't wait to play catch in the backyard, and smell the aged leather of our baseball gloves. I can't wait to feel the sun on my shoulders. I can't wait to feel the grass, the sand between my toes.

I cannot wait. 53 days until the first day of Spring. We're getting there!

Sunday, January 23, 2011

it's been awhile

So I've been away from this blog for a very long while, about a month I think.

Many things have happened since then:

1. New Year's.
2. Goals made for 2011.
3. Lessons learned.
4. Still learning.
5. Back to work.
6. A youth group retreat.
7. A trip to the dentist (insert huzzahs!)
8. Birthday parties.
9. Bears.
10. Craft projects.
11. One very cold, one degree day.
12. Giving it all back to Jesus, again.

I've been learning a lot lately... a lot about myself, and I don't like most of it. Have you ever looked at yourself in a spiritual mirror and not liked the reflection? Been there lately. The beautiful thing is, God has met me there... in my miserable selfish state I have seen my insufficiencies, and I cry out all the more, "I need You Jesus! Lord, heal me!"

I have been finding such comfort in the Scriptures, in prayer, and in the words of Oswald Chambers.

"In sanctification, the one who has been born again deliberately gives up his right to himself to Jesus Christ and identifies himself entirely with God's ministry to others." My Utmost for His Highest

That quote sums up the process I have been going through the last month, giving up my right to myself... giving up my right to my way, my dreams, my plans. Giving up to Jesus my weakness, and finding my identity in Him and service to others. It kind of hurts. But it is a beautiful pain nonetheless.

I have fooled myself too many times into thinking I am "following Christ" as I pursue my own agenda. I have spent too much time fearing what will happen if my dreams don't pan out like I hoped. I have wondered too often why am I here right now? I'm done with that garbage. Its Yours Jesus, please bring me back when I stray to my own way, its all Yours.

I feel joy welling up in my heart as I right this... how relieving to let go. Hopefully this post will remind me of that joy when I start to grasp at the things I cannot hold. I love You Lord Jesus.

It's going to be a good year.

For His glory. Forever. Amen.