I had been worrying all month about missing Jesus. At the beginning of this week my husband wisely told me I should just focus on growing closer to Him, whether I truly understood Christmas or not this year. So I spent time in prayer and study, and just focused on being with Jesus.
Then God gave me a gift on Christmas Eve. We took communion, and as I sat with the bread and grape juice... I pondered the body and the blood. The body and blood of Jesus, the baby, the man, the Messiah. Joy and sorrow together washed over my soul. I know that I can't express this completely, but Jesus was there.
And Jesus is always here. He is Emmanuel, God with us. And I get to be with Him everyday, all year, all my life, for eternity.