a monster inside

I'm the best and brightest, most creatively beautiful thing to hit the scene. Cream of the proverbial crop. The ace of spades. The star of the show.

Ok, enough of that. Did the above paragraph make you cringe? I hope so. The lack of humility in it is nauseating. And yet, I should more often feel sick from the pride that permeates my existence.

My pride causes so much pain, to myself and those around me. Pride freezes me out of productivity at times because I'm so afraid that the next thing I write, draw, or cook will not be as good as the last one. It makes me hate the things that I do when they are short of my standard... perfection.

I wait for applause. Feel ill-used when no one notices, and blush with pleasure when I achieve a minute of praise.

It spoils my enjoyment of the beauty around me that has been created by others, because for that moment they are in the spotlight, and I look on jealous at their success.

When will humility become a primary piece of my character, rather than a weak show I put up to hide the monster inside of me?

"Pride is a spiritual cancer," writes C.S. Lewis, "It eats the very possibility of love or contentment, or even common sense."

I'm sorry. I'm sorry for my pride. I sorry for the love, contentment, and common sense that has been stolen out of my interactions with you... because I was focused on me.

"Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall." Proverbs 16:18

Father, please rescue me before I self-destruct. My pride threatens to take the life that You have given me, the life that You desire for me. Please kill my pride. Please help me find my confidence in You. Please let my awe of You create a humble spirit in me, a spirit that is most joyful when You are praised and You are glorified. Please be first in my life, others second, and let me consider myself last. You are my King, let my life be a sacrifice for You.