i will be grateful

Yesterday I had a serious case of the down in the dumps. Work wasn't bad, the day wasn't awful. I was just low. This is usually a sure sign that I need to be closer to God. And, as usual, that was true.

Today I started the day following more faithfully. And it made all the difference. I felt joyful, and grateful. Here are a few things I am grateful for:

1. I am grateful to be alive, talking, and walking.

2. I am grateful that God never gives up on me.

3. I am grateful to have an understanding and ever loving husband.

4. I am grateful for our wonderful families.

5. I am grateful for friends.

6. I am grateful for art projects.

7. I am grateful for food on the table.

8. I am grateful for beautiful weather.

9. I am grateful for music.

This list goes on, but I know that it is important for me to stop, breathe, and reflect upon the beautiful things that God has given me and my loved ones. It's definitely something to sing about. What are you grateful for today?

tastes like autumn-roasted vegetables

Tim and I made roasted vegetables and herbed chicken tonight for dinner. I have to say this is one of my top favorite cold weather meals. It just tastes so good, especially when the temperature drops outside. I really can't get enough of these veggies.

We chopped and roasted butternut squash, baby red potatoes, mushrooms, and cauliflower and tossed them in olive oil, sea salt, and fresh garlic before putting them in to the oven. So tasty.

heaven's worship

"No longer will there be anything accursed, but the throne of God and of the Lamb will be in it, and His servants will worship Him. They will see His face, and His name will be on their foreheads. And night will be no more. They will need no light of lamp or sun, for the Lord God will be their light, and they will reign forever and ever." Revelation 22:3-5

I can't say I always get excited for worshipping God in heaven. As a kid I used to think, "Singing to God forever and ever? I love Him, I know, but I can hardly make it through Sunday morning worship, and that is only 6 0r 7 songs!" How will I worship God forever and ever?

Reading the above verses gives me hope... Revelation is incredibly beautiful, and there are verses that resonate deeply within me.... "They will see His face." I know that I long to see the face of my sweet Savior, and I'm sure that seeing it in glory will give me something to sing about for a few thousand years at least.

Also, I don't know that my childhood vision of singing forever and ever will be perfectly realized. There will be the wedding feast, and I'm sure we will do all kinds of wonderful things in heaven, just like we do on earth, just perfectly, and each thing we do will be worship because it is heaven. Maybe we will paint, travel, run, write, and more. You never know.

On Sunday, I felt like I got a taste of the coming glory in heaven. Tim and I were blessed with the opportunity to lead worship. We gave our regular worship team (who is amazing by the way!) a break and sang several songs and played guitar and mandolin.

I can't say I was siked for this on Sunday morning.... I was absolutely terrified. My stomach hurt and I was ready to panic. I couldn't do this, I'd never done this. Sure, Tim and I have played music before, but never worship. This was important!

We prayed about it before the service started and gave it to God. It was all for Him anyway, it was wrong of me to worry and worry about messing up. So we sang and played for Him with the congregation.

I have never been in front of church to hear the congregation singing like that... and it was so beautiful. And one point during "Blessed Be Your Name" it was like the heavens opened and I got a ethereal taste of what it will be like when we are all singing to our Beloved.

I'm not afraid to worship God forever anymore, I think it is going to be the most wonderful, most fulfilling and amazing thing we will ever experience.... and it will go on forever and ever. How beautiful is that?

Maybe you don't think so... maybe worship still seems.... difficult. That's ok, I've been there and I'm still working through this process. I don't always worship very well when I do things I don't like to do. Worship seems more inviting somedays than others. I think that is why it has to become the theme of our whole lives. Worship when we rise, worship when we speak, worship when we do the dishes, worship when we create, worship when we care for our families, worship when we sing, worship when we rest.... and on and on.

This life was meant for something else. It was meant for Christ. What would it look like if we were all worshipping all the time through every task and chore. I'd say it might look like heaven... what do you think?

lovely september monday

Today I am grateful for many things, and that makes today lovely.

1. Tim and I had a wonderful, beautiful anniversary weekend.
2. I am so grateful that I have been married to the love of my life one whole year!
3. I am grateful that Tim has the opportunity to go back to school.
4. I am thankful for fall and all the beauty it brings.
5. I am thankful for chili and tomato soup.
6. I am grateful for God's grace and patience, He never gives up on me.
7. Jesus, precious Jesus. I am so thankful for You and Your sacrifice.

What are you thankful for today? May your week be blessed with the presence of God and full of His joy.

one year ago

I love you more than ever Tim. Thank You Lord for Your Love and for bringing us together one year ago.

"This is my beloved and this is my friend. His banner over me is love."

sounds like fall-fionn regan

Here is another artist that sounds like autumn... Fionn Regan. We discovered this artist a few years back on iTunes. They gave away his single "Put a Penny In the Slot," it was one of the better songs that they have given away for free. Maybe they should give away a Tim & Abby song??? (*hint hint*)

Right now, I'm looking forward to seeing the leaves change on more trees on our commute (I've already seen some orange and red!) and to getting my first Pumpkin Spice Latte at our local Starbucks tonight. Have a lovely weekend!

beloved

Saturday night I thought about heaven. Thinking about heaven always fills me with longing, hope, and bitter sadness all at the same time.

It feels me with longing because I know that I have been tainted by sin my whole life and my relationship with God is hindered by my present state of being. In heaven, this mortal coil will be shed, and I will know and love God the way I was created to. And it will be beautiful.

It fills me with hope because I know that death is not the end, eternity will follow. I will be reunited with my loved ones who have passed on, and there will be no more tears. All will be made right when Jesus reigns over us in the new heavens and the new earth.

Unfortunately, I also feel deep sadness. Verses like this "For in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven." This is upsetting to me. I waited all my life for Tim, my one true love... and there will be no marriage? I worry that Tim will not belong to me as my husband, that each will know each other as deeply as anyone knows anyone. I worry that there will not be anything special about our marriage in heaven. I worry, and I worry.

I know that there is a disconnect in my heart. My love for God is not my driving passion most days. I'm not in love with Him the way that I want to be. I can say it, and sing it. But I do not trust very often that being with Him for eternity will make me happy. My love for God is not as real as my love for Tim... and that makes me protective, and fearful.

Like I've said before, Tim becomes an idol for me, I want his love to save me. Because he is here, and I can talk to him face to face, and hug him.... hear him.... see him. I don't want things to change in heaven, I want my relationship with Tim to stay the same. Deep down I know our relationship will be better than it ever can be on earth, but I remain fearful.... when will I stop falling back into a spirit of fear instead of power, love, and a sound mind?

I ask God daily that I would fall more in love with Him everyday. I know that I am farther along than I have been in the past, but oh, I have a long way to go.

How tragic it is that God loves me and sacrificed for me, and I find it difficult to love Him back? He is truly the Lover of my soul, even writing this at this very moment is making it sink in deeper than it ever has.

"God will look to every soul like its first love because He is its first love." - C.S. Lewis

Lord, please overwhelm my heart with Your love. Please help me know and feel what it is like to be consumed with You. Please let my soul know You as its first love. I know that You are the only way, that it is only through You that I will truly love and be loved the way You have created me to be. I know that I will never love Tim the way that You want me to, and the way that he needs me to unless I love You first.

I love You Lord Jesus, please help me love You more.

sounds like fall- fleet foxes

This month I'm going to be posting songs that make my September playlist... this one from the Fleet Foxes is .....awesome. I don't know if there are many bands that sound more like autumn than these guys.

bridges

Tim and I have been working on some new music lately, particularly on an ep project we are calling "Fear." As you may have guessed the subject of this mini-album is fear, and we have been taking time to explore some of our phobias, some more intense than others.

We wrote a song about bridges, which happens to be one of my fears. I can't help feeling like I'm going to fall... whether I'm crossing Hoover Dam, Coronado Bridge, the Chicago River, or an average overpass... I freak out inside. So, that is where this song came from.

You can download this Tim & Abby song exclusively here, we haven't yet posted it on our myspace. Enjoy!

http://www.mediafire.com/?tj2vbhi5sj93dmq

dear autumn

Dear Autumn,

It seems you have returned to us after your lengthy absence. I must say I didn't realize how much I missed you until I walked outside this morning and felt the crisp cool breeze announcing your arrival. The wind and clouds were lovely today, and I enjoyed wearing my light jacket. I can't wait for a trip to the apple orchard and pumpkin carving with my beloved husband in the next couple months. I hope you stay for awhile this year. Don't rush out, Winter can wait.

Your friend,

Abby