the discipline of prayer

How strange is it that the thing that has the greatest power to make me feel whole and at peace is the thing I choose less than anything?

Why is prayer a struggle, so often grappled with in repetitive prayers of need?

Why do my prayers at times seem to hit the ceiling?

Why am I distracted in prayer? "My words fly up. My thoughts remain below: words without thoughts never to heaven go." King Claudius in Hamlet

Why am I reluctant to listen?

I'm afraid to hear something I don't like, something that is difficult. There is nothing Jesus can't ask of me. Prayer brings me closer to the sacrifice, to the giving up. But it deepens love, just like spending time with someone you care about.

Being "face to face" in prayer is intimate and holy. Prayer is a way to communicate with our Creator, our Father, our Savior, the Holy Spirit.

If I truly understood the power and purpose in prayer, I don't think it would be such a struggle to spend time talking with God. I would find myself along side the saints of history, spending hours upon hours on their knees communicating with the Lover of their souls, praising Him, thanking Him, and interceding for others.

I want to be a woman of prayer, but more importantly I want to be so in love with God I can't stop talking to Him. Everyday, without ceasing.

"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

strength in weakness

I hate failure. And failure is where I am. I perceive failure in every movement of my being.

Friendships. Fail.

Work. Fail.

Art & Writing. Fail.

Housekeeping. Epic fail.

I was beating myself up today over all of the things I just can't seem to get right. Why do I still struggle? Why am I still so weak? Why am I a failure?

I sat and cried and pondered the things I haven't accomplished. The things I have messed up. The people I have offended. The unused potential. The distance between me and my God.

"But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

These verses breathe new life into me. Christ's power is made perfect in my weakness. It shouldn't come as any surprise to me that I fail, that I'm weak, that I can't do it on my own. In fact, there is grace in the recognition of weakness, for then in Christ I am strong.

When I am weak at work, at home, at church, in relationships... it is in those moments that Christ can be magnified as He proves Himself strong though I am weak, though I fail.

I don't need to pity myself for my weakness, and cry over my failings. I must turn my eyes upon Jesus, and rely on Him for His strength and grace in my darkness.

And in the darkness, when I have no words, the Spirit intercedes.

"Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings to deep for words." Romans 8:26

How wonderful is it that we have a Savior who is greater than all our sin? A Savior who is strong in our weakness? A Spirit that intercedes for us? A Father who loves us?

"For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need." Hebrews 4:15-16

Jesus walked on this earth and experienced life as a human being. He knows our weakness through experience, but He overcame them. He will give us grace and mercy in our time of need. How wonderful, how divine is the love of Christ for us?

This day was not easy for me, but it has brought me closer to the One who knows me by name and is strong in my weakness. May you find mercy, grace, hope, love, and strength in your Savior.

spring will come

I'm thankful that spring is on its way. It is hard to believe it today while the weather turns icy and we have sleet and snow. But the snow doesn't stay forever now, and the sun rises earlier everyday. Soon flowers will bloom, the birds will sing, and the wind will be gentle.

Spring will come, it will be warm again soon.

blizzard '11

This blizzard was incredible. I've never seen so much snow fall, ever. The first three pictures were taken while it was still snowing, the last ones were taken while Tim and I walked around and surveyed the damage later in the day. It was so fun to enjoy the snow and not have to worry about getting to work this morning, and we have a second snow day tomorrow. Crazy.

Tonight we are celebrating snow day by making a roast and potatoes, writing some poetry/music, watching a movie, and maybe making some chocolate chip cookies. What are your plans for your snow day?

Now we can all tell our future children, yes, I was there. I was there for the Blizzard of 2011.

february!

Happy February 1st everyone! I'm very excited that Valentine's Day is just around the corner!

I've been talking about Valentine's Day for awhile (I think a few people think I'm crazy), but I really do love making valentines. And, it is one of the few times a year that I tolerate lots of pink and glitter. So that is always fun.

A few upcoming posts to stay tuned for:

Epic Snowstorm Snow Day

A poem about a librarian

Valentine's Day Tea Party and Cardmaking

Stay cozy everyone, and my friends on the West Coast, enjoy the weather!

i will be thankful

Today was one of the those days. The kind of day that makes me hit the snooze no less the 5 times, groan and pull up the sheets, and sigh as Tim tells me we really do need to get up now. The kind of day that makes me wish this crazy Chicago blizzard was already here.

Because I felt so morose this morning, I decided it was about time to reflect on the things I'm thankful for. I will be thankful for this day.

Today I'm thankful for:

1. My husband, who makes me smile even when I'm most determinedly sour. I love you.

2. My striped long sleeve shirt, sweatshirt, down vest, and blue jacket who together have done an excellent job keeping me warm.

3. A certain participant at work who loves chocolate and laughed with me at lunch.

4. The Gospel of Matthew, who joined Tim and I over our breakfast this morning.

5. Journals and pens, particularly a Micron 08 and a new double tipped calligraphy pen... it's just more fun to write with your favorite pens.

6. Sunlight, increasing every day. "When he shakes his mane, we shall have Spring again." The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe

7. Books of poetry, most recently, my copy of T.S. Eliot poems.

8. A dinner date with Tim. Best husband ever.

9. Family. Even when I don't see you all for a few weeks or a few months, I think about you guys all the time. You are loved.

10. Jesus. Lately, I have been enjoying our time together so much. Thank You for Your love and grace. Thank You for Your patience and forgiveness. May Your name be praised forevermore.

Today was a pretty good day after all. What are you thankful for today? I'd love to hear about it. Happy Monday!

i can't wait

I was looking at pictures from our honeymoon, and longing for summer! I can't wait to wear a sundress and walk around, feet bare and warm. I can't wait to drive to the beach after work and walk next to the lake with Tim... the wind tousling our hair, but not chilling the bone. I can't wait to sink my teeth into a slice of scarlet watermelon. I can't wait to get an iced tea at the coffee shop and walk through our neighborhood in flip-flops. I can't wait to play catch in the backyard, and smell the aged leather of our baseball gloves. I can't wait to feel the sun on my shoulders. I can't wait to feel the grass, the sand between my toes.

I cannot wait. 53 days until the first day of Spring. We're getting there!