grace over guilt

Why is grace so surprising? Today..... nineteen years after I started following Christ?

I keep coming back to it, after trying again, only to realize... "Silly Abby, works are for kids."

Actually, good works seem to trip us all up, whether we are young or grown-up....and if it isn't pride over holiness, it is guilt. That all consuming, spirit paralyzing guilt. Or it's both, rapidly succeeding each other in turn... pride over the good, guilt over the pride.

As a follower of Christ, so often I find myself beating up my soul over the good I cannot do.

For example:

Why can't I love that person?

Why do I obsess over my image?

Why am I sad, instead of thankful?

Why don't I read my Bible and pray like I should?

Why don't I love God more?

Why do I say stupid things?

Why don't I tell people about Christ?

Why do I worry about what others think?

Why do I get distracted in worship?

Why am I self absorbed?

And the guilt crushes, and the list of the undone and things done I feel bad about could go on forever.

And God says, "I love you Abby."

What? Didn't you just hear my list? And Lord, I know You know the evil in me that I don't even know about. You love me?

"For God so loved the world, that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him may not perish, but have eternal life."

I forget that God so loved me, and He already knew my list. That terrible list. And He sent Jesus to free me from the sin that ensnares me.

Lately, I have been seeing just how much God is the one who works in my life. So many good things have been happening.... and I stand in awe and say, "Without the Lord and His grace, not one thing would have been possible." I can truly say all good comes from the Father. He's freeing me from the filthy rags, the works I cannot perform.... and showing me what life is like when all good is attributed to Him... and I stop trying to save myself.

Life with God really is beautiful. I don't have to prove to Him that I will overcome my list, He can overcome it in my life through His power. How amazing is that?

His grace makes me laugh for joy. I'm lost in His love.