Do you ever feel like you are totally overwhelmed by changes and Jesus is teaching you many things... like, you can't do it on your own? I know I should have learned this lesson the last time He taught me, but somehow it doesn't sink in to my fallen brain for more than a month at a time.
Today, while riding the train home I reflected upon a couple things. First, while I prayed to my Lord to save me from myself... I listened to Sufjan Steven's sing "What Child is This?" in my headphones. Reflecting upon the Babe, the Son of Mary made me realize that Jesus came to bring peace to my heart. And I lose sight of Him, and lose hold of the joy... joy that comes from realizing He has defeated the sin that taints my life.
Secondly, my need for a Savior has not increased, it is as strong as ever. My awareness of that need, however, is growing daily.
And it is hard to accept this. I wish that being a Christian meant I was perfect at the moment of salvation. Instead, I am being sanctified. And sanctification....aches. Somehow, my dead flesh keeps begging for resuscitation and I must ask for Christ to reign in me again.
I have lots of ideas for reducing stress, ideas for how I can be more fulfilled. Instead of worrying about what I want, I should seek what Christ would have for me. Somehow, I neglect the fact that my life is no longer my own, I was bought at a price. It belongs to my Savior...
Take what I have Jesus, it worth more in Your hands that it will ever be in mine.
I want to know You, please help me want to know You.