5:45 a.m. The alarm clock blasts into my ear. Without feeling or sympathy it steadily beats until I slap it with my hand. I roll back over and pretend the day isn't here yet, for a few more minutes.
I get up cranky and cold, wishing that the day wasn't here. Wishing circumstances were different. Wishing my day was going to unfold differently. Wishing I had woke up feeling more rested and less crabby.
I read my Bible and pray. Pray that God would make Himself known to me, and pray that He would make some changes. Changes in my situation, changes in me.
I don't know about you, but sometimes I don't like where I am. Sometimes (most times) its my current spiritual condition, sometimes its something more tangible like work, art, service, or relationships. It is hard to be content. It is hard to live in the moment, especially when you hate the moment.
Lately I have been reflecting on this, the problem of place. Sometimes you don't get to choose where you are. We go to college and are deluded by the idea that we just might get our dream job and live happily ever after. We forget that many people don't work a job they love. In fact, you often have to take whatever you can get. Some times something even bigger than work steps in. No one expects to battle terminal illness. No one expects to have a child afflicted with a disability. No one expects to be homeless. No one expects to suffer.
Tragedy comes, whether we are ready or not.
Life has a way of throwing a wrench into the well laid plans of mice and men. It's no wonder children become jaded as they get older. Life under the sun is toil; life under the sun is heart breaking.
On Sunday our pastor preached on the book of Esther. Esther, a beautiful young Jewish girl, becomes Queen of Persia. I have to assume this is one of the worst jobs in the world. You become the wife of a man with unlimited concubines, and he has the power to end your life whenever he feels like it. You are married to a man you did not choose, and hopefully he loves you enough to visit you once in awhile. Your life is not your own. Talk about depressing circumstances.
A wicked man named Haman plots to kill your people, and your father-figure, cousin Mordecai says you have a chance to save them, you are the Queen. You protest, the king could kill you for walking into his presence without being summoned. Mordecai responds, "Do not think to yourself that in the king's palace you will escape any more than all the other Jews. For if you keep silent at this time, relief and deliverance will rise for the Jews from another place, but you and your father's house will perish. And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?" Esther 4:13-14
For such a time as this.
That phrase struck me as I sat in church. As I sat thinking about how often I want to flee, run away from the tasks and trials set before me.
Perhaps I have been placed where I am for a such a time as this too.
God knew what He was doing when He allowed Esther to become Queen. It was part of His plan to save His people. Esther was in a rather hopeless situation, and God used it to bring hope and life to thousands because she was willing to risk her life for Him and His people.
I think God wants to use all of us where we are to bring hope and the message of salvation. A lot of our situations are pretty hopeless by the world's standards. Losing a family member, fighting cancer, battling injustice, struggling with purpose, fighting depression, losing a baby, the list goes on and on. We live in a world that is broken, a world that is not our home. What better place to share the good news of Jesus? Maybe God has called you for such a time as this.
"And now, O Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in You." Psalm 39:7
May the Lord grant you strength as you face this broken world and courage as you brave many trials. Let your soul be filled with the hope of His Son, and may you rest in the knowledge of His love.