Tuesday, April 6, 2010

idols part two

You may have read my previous post about idols. And you may not have had the time. If you didn't, the post was about how I put things before God, and how afraid I am of losing them.

Somehow I feel like my love for the good thing will be diminished if I love God more, I will lose them, I will enjoy them less.

My husband has been the hardest idol to let go of. For the last three years he has been the most important thing in the world to me as we met, dated, fell in love, and got married. How can the love of my life become less that God may be more?

I had a revelation the other day that has made me change my mind.

I was with Tim and I realized keeping him in the high place of idolatry is not about loving him, as strange as that might seem. It's about loving me. Idolizing him is making him something he is not, a god. It puts pressure on him to perform. It creates a false sense of security when I am with him, and a sense of despair when he is absent.

It is about my comfort, my happiness. Giving Tim to God is the greatest thing I can do for him, but my hands grip tightly, and the fingers are being peeled back one by one.

I have to stop loving my happiness more than God. And I must give Him my most beloved idol.
My heart goes out the Israelites and their struggle with idolatry. No longer will I look down upon you my sisters, my brothers. I too, must give my heart to God.

Last time I wrote about idols I was desperate, struggling to see that the change would be worthwhile, and the best for both me and my beloved husband. Today I am seeing that slowly, but surely it is making all the difference. May God be first now and forevermore. Amen.

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