it's been awhile

So I've been away from this blog for a very long while, about a month I think.

Many things have happened since then:

1. New Year's.

2. Goals made for 2011.

3. Lessons learned.

4. Still learning.

5. Back to work.

6. A youth group retreat.

7. A trip to the dentist (insert huzzahs!)

8. Birthday parties.

9. Bears.

10. Craft projects.

11. One very cold, one degree day.

12. Giving it all back to Jesus, again.

I've been learning a lot lately... a lot about myself, and I don't like most of it. Have you ever looked at yourself in a spiritual mirror and not liked the reflection? Been there lately. The beautiful thing is, God has met me there... in my miserable selfish state I have seen my insufficiencies, and I cry out all the more, "I need You Jesus! Lord, heal me!"

I have been finding such comfort in the Scriptures, in prayer, and in the words of Oswald Chambers.

"In sanctification, the one who has been born again deliberately gives up his right to himself to Jesus Christ and identifies himself entirely with God's ministry to others." My Utmost for His Highest

That quote sums up the process I have been going through the last month, giving up my right to myself... giving up my right to my way, my dreams, my plans. Giving up to Jesus my weakness, and finding my identity in Him and service to others. It kind of hurts. But it is a beautiful pain nonetheless.

I have fooled myself too many times into thinking I am "following Christ" as I pursue my own agenda. I have spent too much time fearing what will happen if my dreams don't pan out like I hoped. I have wondered too often why am I here right now? I'm done with that garbage. Its Yours Jesus, please bring me back when I stray to my own way, its all Yours.

I feel joy welling up in my heart as I right this... how relieving to let go. Hopefully this post will remind me of that joy when I start to grasp at the things I cannot hold. I love You Lord Jesus.

It's going to be a good year.

For His glory. Forever. Amen.